 Loss rearranges us.
It has a way of bringing us to our knees-- and maybe even, to our truth. It strips away the noise, the distractions, our illusions of control. It interrupts life as we thought we always knew it-- and in its place, a mirror… unforgiving. Unblinking. A raw face of what was not fully understood before: The way a body absorbs sorrow. The toll of unresolved strain. The quiet suffering that goes unseen for far too long. How our emotional lives anchor in our blood pressure, our arteries, our migraines, our fatigue, our oppression... Our bodies speak when our hearts cannot. In spaces where pain is silently carried. Where love, unattended, slowly starves the spirit and shapes the course of life. We learn how love lingers in the cracked spaces. How memory becomes marrow-- invisible, yet life-giving. We learn the language of absence. Of unfinished conversations. Of laughter that still hums in the bones long after the voice is gone. We carry both the ache and the light. We hold what couldn’t be healed, alongside what was given freely: a glance, a touch, a moment of knowing. Such is the quiet dignity of sorrow. And somehow, we go on and are more human for it. Lydia
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 Lately, I’ve been thinking about what it means to belong, not just to a place, but to a story. What’s in a name? A nationality? To me, identity is not merely inherited but shaped by our ancestors, the lessons they passed down, and the values we uphold. It is a reflection of our history, our struggles, and the determination that shapes both our past and our future. In these past few weeks, I’ve marvelled at how Canadian identity remains a faithful foundation—built on pride, strength, honour, and solidarity, bound together by the stories of those who came before us, even those who paid the price so that we might stand here today–still searching, still fighting, still insisting on the truth of who we are.
Relationships, whether between people or nations, are tested in moments of strain: how we love, how we care, how we hold on to each other in times of struggle. As the longstanding friendship between Canada and the U.S. faces newfound tension following Trump’s tariff changes, I am reminded that our national identity is not just a foundation—it is a force that unites us, too. It is about how we show up for one another, how we resist threats that seek to divide, and how we insist on justice even when it comes at a cost. Across our provinces, from bustling metropolises to quiet rural towns, the Canadian flag waves– not as decoration but as a declaration– as a testament to our resilience and values. In the face of economic shifts and political uncertainty, pushback slogans such as “Elbows Up” and “Buy Canadian” reaffirm what defines us—our commitment to peace, sovereignty, inclusion, and mutual respect. Though challenges may come, the spirit of Canada remains resolute, and firm in its vision for a future where unity prevails over division. For much of my life, I saw myself as Polish first. It’s what I was taught, what I knew. Though born in Canada, my sense of self was deeply tied to my family’s history, their struggles, and the way they carried home with them wherever they went. But belonging is not just about inheritance. It is about choice. Over time, I have come to embrace what it means to be a proud Canadian—not as a replacement for my roots, but as an expansion of them. Canada has never asked me to choose between past and present, between where I come from and where I am headed. Instead, it has given me the freedom to carry both– the tenacity of my ancestors alongside the values of inclusion, diversity, and shared purpose. My father’s life mirrors this harmony between ancestry and identity. During World War II, he was a Polish soldier and a secret school teacher, standing bravely against oppression. Before being sent to a concentration camp, he assumed a new identity—a decision that likely saved his life. After the war, with Stalin’s shadow falling over Poland, returning to his true name– or country– was impossible. And yet, he remained himself. He fought for his homeland, and later, when he came to Canada, he fought in a different way—through words, through community, through ensuring that Polish Canadians never forgot where they came from. He embraced Canada not because it replaced his identity but because it allowed him to live safely under the name that protected him while still honouring his true self. And this, I have learned, is the heart of belonging—not favouring one over the other, but embracing the space between, where all of who we are is held with both love and integrity. Just as I have sought to reconcile my Polish heritage with my Canadian identity, our nation must also recognize that self-governance is more than economy or borders—it is about the values we choose to uphold. It is about how we define ourselves in the face of external pressures, how we hold firm in our convictions, and how we refuse to let others dictate who we are. Now, as we face new political and economic challenges, we must remember that our independence, like our identity, is worth defending. Today, as I watch tensions between Canada and the U.S. escalate, I am reminded of how history often begins with economic justifications, only to reveal deeper ambitions. Hitler, too, framed his early policies as economic revitalization, using national strength as a rallying cry before unleashing something far more horrendous. Trump’s aggressive tariffs are only the beginning—he has openly questioned Canada’s sovereignty, going so far as to suggest we should become the 51st U.S. state. These statements are not just reckless rhetoric; they are calculated tactics that threaten our freedom, the very foundation of our national security and identity. In response, Canadians are resisting—boycotting American goods, rallying behind local businesses, and standing together in firm defiance. Our country is not defined by external pressures but by the strength of its people. I am reminded of my father’s words, We do not back down. We do not yield. And we will not let anyone—no matter how powerful—define who we are. But resilience is not just about resistance; it is about actively shaping the future we want to see. Together, we must invest in our societies, support policies that endorse our values, and engage in meaningful dialogue. True patriotism is not about isolation—it is about strengthening what makes us who we are. It’s about devotion and love. While Canada and the U.S. share deep economic and cultural ties, ensuring our independence requires vigilance and a steadfast commitment to our identity and ideals. After all, as we've recently seen, the tides of diplomacy can change swiftly, reminding us of the importance of staying true to our principles and that our country is only as strong as our willingness to defend it. So what can we do? We can engage in civic participation, vote with intention, support Canadian industries, and educate ourselves on the policies that shape our nation’s future. We can reflect on our heritage, the sacrifices that have shaped us and what it means to be Canadian, using the lessons of our past to inform the choices we make today. Each of us has a role to play—whether in our communities, workplaces, or families. Let us actively define the future we envision. Patriotism is not just about remembering where we came from—it’s about taking responsibility for where we are going. And as history has shown, Canada is strongest when its people stand together. Oh Canada!  At its heart, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love—not just its joy and romance but also the deep connection and desire that sustain it. But if you’ve been hurt by an affair, today may feel like an unbearable contradiction—a reminder of the love you once believed in, the betrayal that shattered it, and the uncertainty of what remains.
This contrast between love’s promise and its reality can feel disorienting. Desire, much like love, is complex. We crave harmony and connection, but also excitement, freedom, and passion. In long-term relationships, desire can fade—not because love is gone, but because familiarity replaces mystery, routine overtakes adventure, and security can stifle spontaneity. Many affairs are not just about seeking another person but about seeking another version of oneself—one that feels alive, desired, or free from responsibility. While it doesn’t justify the betrayal, it helps us understand the emotional forces behind it. I have worked with many couples standing at this very crossroads. I have sat with those drowning in grief and anger, struggling to make sense of how the person they trusted most could hurt them so deeply. I have also seen what many believe to be impossible—couples who, against all odds, heal from infidelity and build a marriage that is stronger, deeper, and more honest than before. If you are reading this, you may be caught in the in-between. You may still be holding on to hope, even through the pain. You may be wondering:
The truth is: there is no single answer, and there is no one right path. But there are choices. Today, on this Valentine’s Day, I invite you to focus not on where you should be—but on where you are. The Loss of Happily Ever After Infidelity is not just a betrayal—it is a loss. For the betrayed partner, it feels like the death of the marriage they thought they had—the loss of trust, security, and certainty. For the partner who strayed, it is often the death of an illusion—the realization that avoiding deeper truths or unmet needs has led to devastation. But perhaps one of the most painful losses is the death of the myth of "happily ever after." Many of us carry an idealized vision of love—a longing for a perfect union, unwavering devotion, and a partner who meets our every need. We enter marriage often believing that if we find the right person, love will be effortless, passion will remain, and betrayal will never touch us. We are raised on stories that tell us love is a destination, not a practice—a final achievement, not a daily commitment. But relationships are not fairy tales. They are living, breathing entities that require effort, honesty, and continual growth. And even more importantly, we must learn to accept love within the limits of human imperfection. As bell hooks notes, "True love is unconditional, but to truly flourish it requires an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change". In other words, love isn’t just about accepting imperfection—it’s about growing through it together. For those healing from betrayal, the challenge is not just rebuilding trust—it is redefining love itself. This is not about returning to what once was but about choosing to build a foundation based on truth —something more real or genuine, not just a longing for the past. After infidelity, grief follows. It may show up as anger, despair, disbelief, or numbness. Sometimes, it feels like all of those things at once. There are endless questions, painful triggers, moments of hope, and waves of doubt. The betrayed partner mourns not only the relationship as it was but also the future they once imagined. The unfaithful partner may grieve as well—for their lost integrity, the damage done, and the potential loss of the relationship itself. Both are left standing in the aftermath, unsure of what the future holds. And yet, time and time again, I have seen that where there is loss, there is also the potential for transformation. Not every couple stays together after an affair. But the ones who do? They do not rebuild the old marriage. They build something entirely new. Choosing to Stay: Can Love Be Rebuilt? For some, the answer is yes. Staying after an affair is not weakness. It is not foolishness. It is choosing to see if trust, love, and connection can be rebuilt. But rebuilding is not about forgetting. It is not about pretending the affair was merely a mistake and moving on as if it never happened. It is about understanding why it happened and doing the hard work to create a relationship based on truth, not illusion. Rebuilding requires growth--seeing and accepting each other fully, flaws, and contradictions, included. The idea that love should be effortless, that passion should never wane, or that our partner should complete us —they are not just unrealistic expectations; they are burdens that no relationship can carry. You are not going back to the marriage you had before. That marriage ended the day the betrayal was discovered. The question now is whether you want to build a new one. This requires asking difficult questions:
Trust does not return in a single moment—it is rebuilt through consistent, transparent effort. This involves honesty and the willingness to sit with discomfort. The unfaithful partner must be patient, present, remorseful, and accountable, while the betrayed partner must be given space to process, express, and heal at their own pace. Therapy, open communication, and a shared commitment to growth can help repair the damage. However, staying in the relationship should never be an act of self-betrayal. Both partners must be willing to do the work. Love alone is not enough—it must thrive through effort. In the aftermath of betrayal, partners may feel disconnected, hesitant, or unsure of how to bridge the gap. Healing requires not only open conversations but also shared experiences that foster closeness. Small, consistent acts—whether it’s setting aside time to truly listen, rediscovering shared interests, or creating new rituals of connection—help reshape the relationship into something new and fulfilling. The goal is not to restore what was lost but to build a marriage where both partners feel seen, valued, and deeply connected. Many couples who heal from infidelity say their emotional and physical intimacy becomes deeper than before. Why? Because for the first time, they begin to speak honestly about their needs, desires, fears, and vulnerabilities—things they had once ignored or only assumed. Healing isn’t just about restoring trust...it’s also about rekindling emotional and physical intimacy. Staying after an affair is not a one-time choice—it is a commitment that must be made again and again. Couples who heal do not only say, "I will never betray you again." They also say, "I choose you today. And I will keep choosing you tomorrow." Leaving After Betrayal: Making Peace With Your Choice For some, an affair reveals what was already broken beyond repair. If you have made the decision to leave, you are not choosing failure—you are choosing self-respect, healing, and a future where you are valued. Many believe closure comes from one final conversation, but true closure is an internal process. You may never get the apology or understanding you crave. There may be unanswered questions, regrets, or words left unsaid. But closure is not something another person gives you—it is something you give yourself. Your peace will not come from them...it will come from within. It will come from accepting what happened, making sense of your own emotions, and deciding how you want to move forward. Even if leaving is the right choice, you may still mourn what could have been. But you are not leaving because you weren’t enough. You are leaving because you deserve a relationship where trust, respect, and commitment are the foundation. If those can no longer be rebuilt, then choosing to walk away is an act of self-respect, not failure. Love, Even After Betrayal, Is a Choice This Valentine’s Day is not just for those with perfect love stories. It is for those who are healing, questioning, and rebuilding. It is for those wondering whether love is still possible after it has been broken. Because here’s the truth: Great relationships do not begin with finding the right person…they start with becoming the right partner. Relationships require ongoing effort, honesty, and the willingness to accept imperfection. To sustain love, we must first become a good partner to ourselves, accepting our flaws and celebrating our worth. It is this solid foundation of self-love and self-acceptance that allows us to offer our best selves to our partners, fostering a deeper, more honest and meaningful connection. Love is not just about what we get; it is about what we give of ourselves, vulnerably and freely. The healthiest relationships are built on mutual growth, gratitude, respect, and the understanding that love is a verb, not just a feeling. Healing after betrayal is not about forgetting what happened—it is about deciding what comes next. Your past does not define your future—what you choose now does. And that choice? That choice is yours. With my heart, Lydia  When someone we love dies suddenly, the world as we know it comes crashing down. The death of a sibling, especially, is a profound loss—it upends the foundation of our lives in ways we could never have anticipated. Losing my sister to a brain aneurysm, so sudden and without warning, left no time for goodbyes or any chance to prepare for the unthinkable. The grief that follows such a loss is overwhelming, disorienting, and deeply personal. You are left with an unbearable void, heavy questions, and a longing that can never truly be filled. Unfortunately, there is no map for navigating this pain—only the raw reality of learning to live with it one day at a time.
Sudden Loss and the Weight of Questions Sudden loss introduces a unique kind of trauma. When death is unexpected, it shocks not just the heart but the mind and body, too. Many describe it as feeling frozen in disbelief, replaying the moment they heard the news, searching for a way to make it untrue, and feeling stuck in the “why” of it all. Why her? Why now? Why in this way? It’s important to know that these questions don’t have answers—and yet, asking them is part of grieving. You are trying to make sense of the senseless, to reorient yourself in a world that feels completely unrecognizable. Suffering often comes from mental activity, and in grief, the mind can be relentless. It circles around memories, regrets, and “what-ifs,” all while struggling to reconcile with the loss. But in these moments, it’s important to allow yourself grace: these thoughts aren’t meant to be resolved—they just need to be felt and released. Grief, like all emotions, seeks to be processed, not buried in silence. While it often makes us want to withdraw and hide, it asks to be seen, shared, voiced and felt. That’s why it’s essential to bring grief into the open, to talk about it and ease its weight together… to share the burden. Talking about loss doesn’t erase the pain, but it can help us feel less alone in the pain. It’s through these conversations that we normalize the experience of grief—reminding ourselves and others that it’s okay to feel the depth of loss, to seek help, and to find healing in community with others. Grief is Not Linear Many of us imagine grief as a process with a clear beginning, middle, and end. We think we need to "move on," "get over it," or at the very least, "tuck it away" so others won’t feel our overwhelm, too. But in reality, grief isn’t something we overcome—it’s something we learn to carry. Grief is complicated, messy, and unpredictable. With a sudden loss, the pain often feels sharper, and the triggers, more frequent. A song on the radio, a smell, a photo—they can bring you to your knees in an instant. But over time, as we process our grief and honour our loved ones, we begin to weave the loss into our lives. It doesn’t disappear. It just changes shape. You may find that grief comes in waves. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re drowning in the wreckage, unable to breathe. On other days, you’ll notice small moments of joy or connection, and you’ll feel a flicker of hope that all will be good again. Both are part of the mourning process, and neither one diminishes the other. In the same way the ocean holds both calm and turbulence, grief holds sorrow and healing, often at the same time. Through time, we find a new way to live with the loss. And as you learn to face your grief, something becomes more clear: talking about it—sharing memories and expressing the pain—can be a powerful step toward healing. The Healing Power of Speaking Their Name While I continue to grieve, I find that talking about my sister—sharing stories, saying her name, describing the impact of her loss—is essential for my healing. Even with strangers, I find it soothing. As the saying goes, "Grief shared is grief lightened." When my client, someone I barely knew, asked me, “What was your sister like?” I was touched beyond words. That one simple question opened the door to memories I feared might be lost in silence. It gave me permission to speak about her, to laugh at her quirks and marvel at her courage—her incredible creativity as an artist and photographer, her talent for making beautiful costume jewelry, her passion for tarot. astrology, astronomy and her brilliant mind that always outshone us in Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit:-) It was a reminder that even in loss, her spirit continues to live in the stories we share, in the beauty she created, and in the ways she inspired us. Another, a dear aunt of a dear friend, said, “We mustn’t ever stop saying Beata’s name.” Those words have stuck with me ever since. They speak to the power of remembering, honouring, and allowing the grief to be expressed through those memories. Talking about our loved ones doesn’t make the loss any easier, but it does help us keep them close. It also helps us feel seen, heard, and less alone in the pain. Most people mean well. However, if you can, find those who will listen without offering platitudes like “she’s in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason.” Those phrases, while well-intended, often miss the mark. What you need is space to express your emotions without judgment, even if they feel raw, ugly, or contradictory. It’s the people who will sit with you, hear your sorrow, and let you speak freely about the one you've lost, who are invaluable—they don’t try to fix the pain or offer answers; they create a space where your grief can breathe, and in doing so, they help you carry it. In the end, grief doesn’t mean forgetting—it means remembering differently. It means holding their presence in the small moments, the quiet spaces, and the stories we continue to tell. Through time, sharing their name and their memory becomes not just a way of coping but a way of keeping their love alive. And though the loss may never fade, neither will the bond, the lessons, or the light they brought into our lives. Cherish this, always. ~ Lydia  Happy Father's Day to all celebrating, and a warm hug to all those who, like me, hold their fathers' memories close to their hearts today. I did not grow up with a father figure. My mother’s nurturing presence and female influence are what I've only ever known, including my life alongside my two sisters. Reflecting on the impact of growing up without a father has been a significant aspect of my life. What truly surprises me is how the journey defined by absence and longing has unexpectedly fostered personal growth. It's funny how life teaches us lessons even when our experiences feel somewhat void or incomplete. I was just six years old when my father passed away from heart failure. Although I knew that he would no longer be part of my life, little did I realize then that I was to embark on a journey shaped by the silence of his absence. My father’s death also became the backdrop against my lessons of love and life, a story rich in introspection, growth and resilience. True, I often found myself thinking about what could have been…like the idea of a “complete” family unit that my friends had, or a male role model to help navigate life’s challenges; a voice of fatherly wisdom to seek counsel from, or a comforting presence to offer reassurance in uncertain times. While I cherished my mom, the yearning for a different reality often tugged at my heartstrings. The void left by his passing became a silent companion, a poignant reminder of the solace and safety his presence once provided. I remember our walks in the nearby woods and how we picked wild strawberries together. I only wish I could go back to those conversations. How those moments are etched in my memory, a blend of sweetness and simplicity. I recall how he advocated for my sisters and me, shielding us from my mother's scoldings. My mother always said that she was the disciplinarian, balancing both traditional roles. In many ways, she was both mother and father, even while he was alive. She also said that my father wasn’t a man of many words unless he was writing or broadcasting in his role as a journalist, but one thing I remember is that he always had time to share a story or two while I sat on his lap. I often find myself wondering if my love for storytelling and writing was born from those tender moments of picking wild strawberries together. One thing I know for certain is that I always cherished him in the quiet spaces of my heart. As we celebrate Father's Day, I invite you to reflect on your own experiences and share how your relationships have shaped you. Feel free to leave a comment below and let's connect through our stories of love, loss, and the lessons learned along the way.  I think we can all agree that communication plays a significant role in every aspect of our lives. When it comes to our loving couple relationships, communication is what ties us together: everything from how we look at each other, speak and listen to each other, show up for each other, and make love. Sometimes it’s the most difficult thing to do, yet it’s what makes us feel connected and know that we matter. Communication for connection is the lifeline that sustains us through the highs and lows of long-term partnerships, guiding us through a plethora of emotions and experiences, fostering a sense of trust, and encouraging us to keep turning toward each other and freely share our genuine fears, desires, and vulnerabilities. Yet, despite its fundamental importance, there are times when communication in our relationships can unknowingly falter. We may find ourselves caught up in the busyness of everyday life, not to mention the drudgery of domesticity, where we often find ourselves going through the motions without truly connecting with our partners. For example, couples may find themselves drifting apart due to the demands of their careers and children, leading to conflicting schedules and limited quality time spent together. When this happens, communication between us becomes more transactional than relational—we communicate to get "the job done," to coordinate schedules, manage household tasks, or address practical matters. It is in these very perfunctory moments where we risk taking each other for granted, overlooking the deeper emotional connection required to sustain our relationship. Not to mention, it’s easier said than done to maintain good communication, especially since few of us grow up knowing what that really looks like, particularly when it comes to vulnerability. We often become unintentionally complacent and assume that our partners will always be there for us without actively nurturing the bond between us. This lack of awareness can lead to a gradual erosion not only of emotional intimacy but also of sexual connection, as we drift further apart in both aspects of our relationship and risk languishing in a state of exile from the passion and closeness we once shared. As we continue to drift apart, the lack of intimacy can become more pronounced. We may stop reaching out to each other, both physically and emotionally, shutting down and growing increasingly resentful. This can create a vicious cycle where we begin to think our partner no longer cares, leading to further withdrawal and disconnection. Instead of seeking solace in each other, we might snake walls around our hearts, protecting ourselves from perceived rejection but also isolating ourselves from potential healing and reconnection. The passion that once brought us together fades, replaced by a lingering sense of loneliness and unfulfilled longing. So, how can we begin to break this stalemate of disconnect and start to rebuild our connection? Well, we need to willfully and intentionally become curious about our partner and our relationship. We also need to overcome our fear of communicating. By asking open-ended questions that delve into our current thoughts, feelings, and desires, we can begin to discover each other as if anew! This alone can reignite a sense of wonder and appreciation that often fades in long-term relationships. Moreover, if we can both learn to appreciate good speaking and listening skills, without interrupting or judging each other and by using "I" statements, then we stand to build a more solid foundation of trust and safety, which is essential, especially if what we long for is a deeper emotional and sexual connection. An Exercise (adapted from Esther Perel) to Rebuild Connection: Intimacy is not a quality or an attribute; it is an experience you have with other people. Sometimes you can even have it with people that you aren’t close with. But in a committed relationship such as marriage, most of us want to know and experience moments of intimacy with our partner. Sometimes we need to redefine the state of our union and what we long for: Questions to ask yourself: Do you connect? Do you feel seen by each other? Do you feel respected by your partner? Do you feel admired/appreciated by your partner? Do you feel your partner cares about you in a special way? Do you raise your children well with your partner? Do you play well with your partner? Do you work well with your partner? Where to Start When You Feel Stuck in Your Relationship Write a heartfelt letter to your partner, such as: “We’ve been stuck. I’ve noticed it and I think you have too. We’re in a rut and I’m wondering how we got there.” Avoid Attack/Defense Mode Instead of blaming or accusing, reflect with your partner: “We used to be attentive to each other, we used to talk a lot, we used to be curious about each other. We used to play, we used to laugh. Where has it gone? And, I am asking myself that question, too. I know I can get bogged down with life and sometimes not respond to you.” Use "I" Statements When expressing your feelings or concerns, use "I" statements to focus on your own experience rather than attributing blame or assuming your partner's intentions. For example: “I feel disconnected when we don’t spend quality time together.” “I would like to understand more about what you’re going through.” “I miss the closeness we used to share and want to work together to rebuild it.” Whatever you realize about yourself, write it first, then ask your partner: “What do you think? What do you see? What do you think needs to happen for us?” Talk about “us” as a third entity, something that both of you need to nurture. Another way to engage in this conversation, related to both love and desire, is to say: “There’s a lot about me, sexually, that I’ve never had a chance to tell you about and that I want to share with you. This is what I’m thinking, this is what I’ve missed.” By integrating these strategies and exercises into your relationship, you can begin to dismantle the walls that have formed and create a pathway back to the passion and closeness you once shared. Try it!  As I stood beneath the celestial spectacle of the recent solar eclipse, I found myself reflecting on the deeper parallels between the dance of the cosmos and the journey of the human heart. Like the moon's fleeting embrace of the sun, I tried to capture the essence of our emotional journey, especially the contrasting facets of our human experience... in verse.
Hope you enjoy it! Total Eclipse of the Heart In the silent depths of night's embrace, Where shadows dance and memories trace, There beats a heart, both dark and bright, A symphony of shadows, day and night. A cosmic ballet, a celestial trance, Where darkness meets the light's advance, In the heart’s deep cavernous hold, Echoes of emotions, stories untold. In sorrow's shroud, tears may flow, Yet from the depths, resilience grows, Even in the wake of the dead of night, Embers still spark with inner light. And in the dawn's embrace, we find, Not only the beauty of the human mind, But laughter's echo, love's sweet song, We gather strength to carry on. Within the total eclipse of the heart, Courage ignites a brand new start, We embrace the darkness, we embrace the light, And in this journey, discover our flight. So let us embody the shadows cast, For in their depths, the truth is vast, In every tear, in every smile, We walk the beauty of the human mile. And, may we dance amidst the shadows, Welcome the light, accept the sorrows, Where the soul’s eclipse reveals its art, In the masterpiece of the human heart. by Lydia Waruszynski  As the temperature rises and the sun graces us with its warmth, many of us dive into the age-old tradition of spring cleaning, bidding farewell to the remnants of winter and making room for the freshness of spring and new beginnings. But, from where I sit, spring cleaning isn't just about dusting off shelves and organizing closets; it's also an opportunity to declutter the mind and sweep away the sticky cobwebs of our thoughts, habits and emotions that no longer serve us, and start anew. Just as we tidy up our living spaces, relationships benefit from a little sprucing up, too. We need to recognize the mental congestion that accumulates – like those pesky misunderstandings and deep-seated resentments, and let’s not forget the disguised "I'm-fine-but-not-really" moments, right? Sound familiar? Like a cluttered attic, together we can clear away the neglected debris and make space for a fresher, more vibrant connection…if we aspire to!
In life, we often get lost in routines, trying to bring order to the ‘hustle 'n bustle’ of every day. Normal. But in this quest for balance, we might overlook the silent accumulation of mental clutter that shapes our thoughts and emotions. Life gets busy, and sooner than we realize we’re dealing with emotional dust bunnies and unspoken feelings. Picture it as dust settling in the corners of our minds. Over time, these layers of mental dust can dim our clarity and hinder our ability to navigate life together. We might even take it for granted that we don't need to check in with each other because we're too busy, allowing things to pile up between us. However, without intentional communication and quality time together, issues accumulate and emotional distance grows. Small disagreements go unresolved, unexpressed needs fester, and the intimacy we once shared begins to fade. That’s why a bit of spring cleaning, a chance for a redo, is a good idea. It clears out the emotional cobwebs and brings a fresh new perspective to our bond. I often tell my clients that when it comes to life and love, we don’t really see things as they are, rather we see things more as we are. Most of the time we aren’t even conscious of it. Our emotions shape our perception of reality. For example, if we're weighed down by sadness, the world may appear washed out, lacking the vibrancy it holds during happier times, while anxiety can make simple tasks seem so much more insurmountable. And simmering anger…well, that can cast a shadow on everything, tainting all of our perceptions and interactions. Our vulnerabilities, therefore, become the filter through which we perceive reality, often distorting it altogether. So, unless we're communicating openly, worries and stressors often act as invisible dust, clouding our vision. These unspoken tensions can create distance and diminish the vitality of our relationship. It’s only by embracing our feelings and fostering honest dialogue, that we may reduce the emotional clutter and rediscover the intimacy and closeness we desire. To kickstart your own mental spring cleaning, take a moment to think about these questions:
And once you've dusted off those thoughts, why not share them with your partner? It might just feel like a breath of fresh air! letstalkaboutlove.ca  by lydia @letstalkaboutlove
For many people, Valentine’s Day arrives adorned in hues of love, but for the broken-hearted, it is only a poignant reminder of what once was. I frequently reassure my clients that it's okay to feel the ache, the longing, and the memories. After all, the wound of heartbreak is a profound form of grief and a universal human experience. More importantly, in the delicate dance of human emotions, heartbreak may also serve as an opening—an opportunity for both growth and healing. While they are intense teachers, suffering and loss also have the power to eliminate the unnecessary, bringing to the forefront the values and relationships that are most meaningful to us, and reminding us that, at heart, we are capable of forming close, loving relationships. Sometimes, it's only within the deep recesses of pain that we uncover our most crucial life lessons and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. So, never fear this. Your pain is valid, and you are exactly where you need to be. The love you invested, the dreams you shared, and the vulnerability you offered were not in vain. They were brave expressions of your beautiful heart. Even unrequited love is never in vain. Please know that you will not be heartbroken forever. And, that with proper self-care, time can heal our wounds. Above all, the valuable lessons learned can last a lifetime. It's important to honour the depth of your emotions without judgment. Much of the healing or answers you seek will happen within the quiet, reflective spaces of your mind and soul, so pause and listen as you find your way. You are not defined by the ending; rather, you are shaped by the entirety of the journey. Recognize that your heart, though tender, is resilient. Your broken heart still beats. Each beat carries the rhythm of your experiences—a story of love, longing, loss, and, yes, even the beautiful, enduring spirit within you. Let this be your guide; let this process lead you to a life with more clarity and purpose. The time spent in contemplation is not just a hiatus from the world but a necessary period for healing and gaining insight. As you reflect on your experience, remember that self-love is not only a concept but also a practice- a daily commitment to your own well-being. Perhaps even at this moment you already realize that you have risen from pain with some wisdom. Perhaps you’ve discovered a well of empathy, as understanding the nature of your suffering may have likewise opened your heart to the pain of others. Continue to reach out and connect with others. Spend time with those who uplift and support you. In shared humanity we find solace. In the emotional mosaic of life and love, we are all stories of self-discovery, resilience, and strength. Trust in this. So, my dear reader, in the quiet moments of introspection, be patient and kind to yourself. The love that once graced your life, though changed, has left an indelible mark, for sure. Honour it, cherish the memories, and trust that within the folds of heartbreak, you are sculpting a masterpiece—a resilient, authentic, and beautifully awakened version of yourself. A Me 2.0! Transformation! This Valentine's Day follow your heart and hold space for the healing that needs to unfold. In doing so, you may find that the most intimate and profound connection is ultimately the one you cultivate with your own heart. Believe in this. Believe in your heart. Here are some reflection questions to consider:
 Today is “Bell Let’s Talk Day”. While this day typically centers around human experiences and conversations, seldom do we delve into the impact our four-legged companions can have on mental well-being. Well, allow me to introduce you to Callie, my beloved Bernese Mountain dog, whose story once took an unexpected path, highlighting the unique role pets can regularly play in fostering emotional health.
Before the pandemic, my mother-in-law moved into a nursing home, as she could no longer care for herself. It was right around the same time we adopted Callie. During one regular visit to her, we discovered that the residence welcomed dogs, as long as they were well-behaved dogs, allowing Callie to become an “unofficial” therapy dog. I must say that even though Callie was still the same ol’ wonderful Callie, in those particular therapeutic moments she went beyond the role of a traditional pet, creating connections with perfect strangers, and spreading joy and smiles, which increasingly made our visits that much more special, too. It was heartwarming to witness how Callie, with her infectious enthusiasm and warm companionship, could effortlessly break down barriers and touch the hearts of people she had never met. It was also during these interactions that we would witness how Callie, even if only for a short while, could alleviate the profound sense of loneliness which often plagues those living in such facilities or environments. Even within the lively atmosphere of a nursing home where shared spaces and routines often create a sense of community, loneliness is common and lingers like a silent companion. Despite the bustling surroundings and the company of others, many residents routinely navigate through their own personal struggles that unfold inside its walls. The residence my mother-in-law lived in was no exception. But, one day, amid these silent battles, a tail of transformation quietly unfolded. Callie came to visit! Lo and behold the place came alive! It was evident that Callie possessed a remarkable gift for brightening people's faces with joy! There was one woman, in particular, who absolutely lit up whenever she saw Callie. Although sharing the same room as my mother-in-law, she seldom engaged with her or others. A profound loneliness hung heavily around her. Before Callie's visits, her days were spent gazing at a photograph of her late husband, lost in memories of happier times. That is...until Callie came to visit! In those moments, the atmosphere changed. Dramatically! It was as if she had been freed from the grips of her depression. This woman found a renewed vitality, talking and petting Callie, enjoying her wags and damp nose nuzzles, not to mention graciously enduring Callie's slobbering drool while sharing moments of joy over carrots and cookies:-). Callie, with her infectious enthusiasm- and appetite- suddenly became a beacon of light in this woman's life, simultaneously transforming the ordinary into the extraordinary in the heart of the nursing home. It was beautiful! Even my mother-in-law noticed the change, observing how this woman became more personable and talkative both during and after Callie's visits. Callie, my love bug, spreading smiles with every wag! Such is the enduring power of connection... even if shaped by the simplicity of a dog's presence or genuine companionship. As both my mother-in-law and her roommate passed away during the pandemic, we no longer visit with Callie. However, the memories we have of our visits remind us about how therapy for our mental health can come through pets. Pets have an innate ability to bring joy into our lives. Callie certainly does. Their playful antics, amusing behaviours, and unconditional love can turn even the gloomiest days into moments of laughter and delight. Beyond emotional support, pets also play a pivotal role in promoting physical well-being. The daily walks, playful activities, and interactive games with our pets encourage us to exercise regularly, contributing to a healthier lifestyle, too. This not only benefits our physical health but also stimulates the release of endorphins, the body's natural mood enhancers. So, today, as we engage in conversations surrounding mental health during Bell Let's Talk, let's not overlook or underestimate the profound impact that our furry friends can have on our mental well-being and those around us. In the simplest of gestures, like a wagging tail or a wet nose nudge, lies the potential to alleviate loneliness and bring unexpected joy. Callie's visits to the nursing home aren't just about a dog and its admirers; they represent the enduring power of love and connection, reminding us that, sometimes, the most profound therapy comes from a warm gaze with four furry paws. |
Hi, I'm Lydia- a modern-day warrior of the heart with a mission to reconcile the mystery and mastery of Love.Archives
March 2025
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