And They Worked For a Happily Ever After

It’s Valentine’s day…so let’s talk about love, shall we:-)



One of the best books I have ever read about loving well is called The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.  Written almost seventy years ago, the premise  still holds true today: “as with every art, love demands practice and concentration, as well as genuine insight and understanding.” In other words, love is a skill. And because we live in a society where the cultural mythology still casts love as something that happens to us, especially something magical we “fall into”, our failure to recognize this skillfulness aspect is perhaps the primary reason why love is so often laced with frustration and disappointment.


However, skillfulness doesn’t mean “Not meant to be”.


This is one of the most destructive beliefs about relationships: the assumption that we love instinctually.  Every relationship takes an effort to keep it healthy and strong. We choose to love.  Actually, a no-effort relationship is not a great relationship, and most-likely feels like a “two ships passing in the night” type of relationship... often very lonely, and without lasting significance. Lest we forget, the quality of our lives depends on the quality we put into our relationships.


Putting effort in a relationship basically means making space in your heart for someone else: 

• Effort in a relationship is about putting energy into growing with your partner 

 

• Effort in a relationship is about caring to make your partner feel special 

 

• Effort in a relationship is wanting to learn about your partner’s vulnerabilities 

 

• Effort in a relationship is about creating shared meaning and friendship 

 

• Effort in a relationship is about listening and connecting through conflict  

 

• Effort in a relationship is about practicing repair and forgiveness

The true art of loving is never passive. It is curious and creative. It is willful and intentional. It is imbued with responsibility.  Love is a verb.  To love is:  

• to  do 

 

• to  choose

 

• to  care 

 

• to  feel 

 

• to  work  

 

• to  become.

And to meet each other halfway.


Happy Valentine's Day,

​Lydia


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