When someone we love dies suddenly, the world as we know it comes crashing down. The death of a sibling, especially, is a profound loss—it upends the foundation of our lives in ways we could never have anticipated. Losing my sister to a brain aneurysm, so sudden and without warning, left no time for goodbyes or any chance to prepare for the unthinkable. The grief that follows such a loss is overwhelming, disorienting, and deeply personal. You are left with an unbearable void, heavy questions, and a longing that can never truly be filled. Unfortunately, there is no map for navigating this pain—only the raw reality of learning to live with it one day at a time.
Sudden Loss and the Weight of Questions Sudden loss introduces a unique kind of trauma. When death is unexpected, it shocks not just the heart but the mind and body, too. Many describe it as feeling frozen in disbelief, replaying the moment they heard the news, searching for a way to make it untrue, and feeling stuck in the “why” of it all. Why her? Why now? Why in this way? It’s important to know that these questions don’t have answers—and yet, asking them is part of grieving. You are trying to make sense of the senseless, to reorient yourself in a world that feels completely unrecognizable. Suffering often comes from mental activity, and in grief, the mind can be relentless. It circles around memories, regrets, and “what-ifs,” all while struggling to reconcile with the loss. But in these moments, it’s important to allow yourself grace: these thoughts aren’t meant to be resolved—they just need to be felt and released. Grief, like all emotions, seeks to be processed, not buried in silence. While it often makes us want to withdraw and hide, it asks to be seen, shared, voiced and felt. That’s why it’s essential to bring grief into the open, to talk about it and ease its weight together… to share the burden. Talking about loss doesn’t erase the pain, but it can help us feel less alone in the pain. It’s through these conversations that we normalize the experience of grief—reminding ourselves and others that it’s okay to feel the depth of loss, to seek help, and to find healing in community with others. Grief is Not Linear Many of us imagine grief as a process with a clear beginning, middle, and end. We think we need to "move on," "get over it," or at the very least, "tuck it away" so others won’t feel our overwhelm, too. But in reality, grief isn’t something we overcome—it’s something we learn to carry. Grief is complicated, messy, and unpredictable. With a sudden loss, the pain often feels sharper, and the triggers, more frequent. A song on the radio, a smell, a photo—they can bring you to your knees in an instant. But over time, as we process our grief and honour our loved ones, we begin to weave the loss into our lives. It doesn’t disappear. It just changes shape. You may find that grief comes in waves. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re drowning in the wreckage, unable to breathe. On other days, you’ll notice small moments of joy or connection, and you’ll feel a flicker of hope that all will be good again. Both are part of the mourning process, and neither one diminishes the other. In the same way the ocean holds both calm and turbulence, grief holds sorrow and healing, often at the same time. Through time, we find a new way to live with the loss. And as you learn to face your grief, something becomes more clear: talking about it—sharing memories and expressing the pain—can be a powerful step toward healing. The Healing Power of Speaking Their Name While I continue to grieve, I find that talking about my sister—sharing stories, saying her name, describing the impact of her loss—is essential for my healing. Even with strangers, I find it soothing. As the saying goes, "Grief shared is grief lightened." When my client, someone I barely knew, asked me, “What was your sister like?” I was touched beyond words. That one simple question opened the door to memories I feared might be lost in silence. It gave me permission to speak about her, to laugh at her quirks and marvel at her courage—her incredible creativity as an artist and photographer, her talent for making beautiful costume jewelry, her passion for tarot. astrology, astronomy and her brilliant mind that always outshone us in Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit:-) It was a reminder that even in loss, her spirit continues to live in the stories we share, in the beauty she created, and in the ways she inspired us. Another, a dear aunt of a dear friend, said, “We mustn’t ever stop saying Beata’s name.” Those words have stuck with me ever since. They speak to the power of remembering, honouring, and allowing the grief to be expressed through those memories. Talking about our loved ones doesn’t make the loss any easier, but it does help us keep them close. It also helps us feel seen, heard, and less alone in the pain. Most people mean well. However, if you can, find those who will listen without offering platitudes like “she’s in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason.” Those phrases, while well-intended, often miss the mark. What you need is space to express your emotions without judgment, even if they feel raw, ugly, or contradictory. It’s the people who will sit with you, hear your sorrow, and let you speak freely about the one you've lost, who are invaluable—they don’t try to fix the pain or offer answers; they create a space where your grief can breathe, and in doing so, they help you carry it. In the end, grief doesn’t mean forgetting—it means remembering differently. It means holding their presence in the small moments, the quiet spaces, and the stories we continue to tell. Through time, sharing their name and their memory becomes not just a way of coping but a way of keeping their love alive. And though the loss may never fade, neither will the bond, the lessons, or the light they brought into our lives. Cherish this, always. ~ Lydia
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Hi, I'm Lydia- a modern-day warrior of the heart with a mission to reconcile the mystery and mastery of Love.Archives
January 2025
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