From Harvard to High School to Home
For over twenty years now, my mission has been to help people get more passionate about love and their relationships. I actually teach couples and individuals about life, love, family, sex and relationships. I offer couples new insights and skills so that they may improve the communication and connection between them. Ultimately, my goal is to help people add more value to their lives.
Bill Gates once said, “Teaching is About Relationships”. He meant that good teachers build relationships with their students. I couldn’t agree more. When I think about all the great teachers I’ve ever had, they were more than just experts in their field, they were kind and friendly, patient and sympathetic. They stood out from the rest. They often made learning interesting and fun. They were also caring, supportive and believed in you. We may not have had a label for it back then, but today we know this as Emotional Intelligence (EI) or EQ.
EQ is a measure of how aware you are about yourself and your relationships. It involves recognizing, managing and effectively communicating how you feel while responding appropriately to others. It’s about knowing how to find words to express vulnerable emotions such as affection, anger, fear, guilt, sadness and shame as much as it is to be able to deal with stress, listen with compassion and cope with conflict and change. No small task but the nice part is these skills can be learned!
I always teach my couples that the most important relationship in any family is the marital one-that the best gift parents can ever give their children is to love each other. Loving each other means knowing how to keep the partnership on track: from repairing rifts together to choosing to spend time together. Loving isn’t just about the words, it’s showing it through everyday actions and behaviours.
Children automatically learn from their parents, so if the parents’ marriage is healthy and happy, chances are children will emulate the same for their own. After all, parents are teachers, too.
The compulsory R- Relationships
Although Reading, wRiting and aRithmetic are important to academic achievement, research shows that no amount of book smarts will ever make up for the lack of communication and social skills required of our relationships and especially living a balanced life. In fact, for almost 80 years now, an ongoing longitudinal study out of Harvard has consistently demonstrated that the strength of relationships with partners, family, friends and community are the most valuable predictors of true happiness. Forget fame or fortune, income or IQ. What matters most in life is the quality of our Relationships. Yes, the consensus among psychological research is that emotional intelligence not only adds greater value to both career and relationship competence, but becomes generalized across other domains of life, too. No wonder parents most always want for their children what they want for themselves: happiness and well-being!
Healthy relationships are necessary for success at school, work, home, in raising kids and everyday life. We should all do our part studying up on this other kind of smart!